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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 8:06 pm 
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I've got a weird situation. My Ex, a former Bishop, cheated on me with several women, got X'd but wants to get rebaptized into the church (even though he's still sleeping around). He's since moved and he's got the ward rallying around him to "bring him back into the fold."

I asked my current Bishop to have my sealing cancelled but he won't do it until I get remarried in the temple again. I don't plan on getting remarried ever again, but much less in the temple even though I'm still worthy. It was a nightmare getting this horrible eternal marriage finalized, why would I want another one?

Long story short, I told him that if he cannot get my sealing cancelled, I will have my name taken off of the rolls of the church to have it done for me. He finally agreed to talk to the stake pres about it but the stake president said no.

What's the deal with this? Why can't it be an automatic severance? Especially when he's not "worthy", why do I have to get it "approved" by anyone? (My civil divorce took 5 years to complete, so this makes it especially painful and makes me feel like the church has added insult to injury).

I feel like the church is so bureaucratic it's turned upside down and just like Jesus felt the Jews were so "Letter of the Law" it's thrown good people under the bus and does't care as long as the money is flowing on in.

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"I put my Shoulder to the Wheel and it ran me over."


Last edited by Hiedi Kolob on Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 8:31 pm 
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What does the new CHI say about this? Anybody have access? I suspect you will find the problem there. The priesthood is not just to seal together but to divide asunder, and these manly men can't just let some chick come around and call the shots, can they? Ha! Even Christ thought that a cheating was a sufficient reason for a divorce. So why do these people (all men btw), who claim to follow Jesus and be his mouth piece, refuse to grant you the divorce that Jesus said you ought to have?!?!?!

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 8:36 pm 
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Because we're actually all sealed to the CHURCH. They have a hard time letting go.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 8:56 pm 
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Never before in my "time in the church" have I seen more "Good 'ol Boy" mentality.

The Bishop actually said "Heavenly Father will work it out" and I said "...but I thought He ran the church, shouldn't He be keeping up with this stuff?" and he didn't know what to say. Yeah I'd like a peek at that new CHI myself.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 10:03 pm 
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So what is so wrong about carrying through with your words about resigning?

In your exit letter explicitly state that you are resigning for the sole purpose of canceling your sealing and you would be willing to consider not resigning if they could show 'progress' (however you define this) within 30(?) days.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 11:31 pm 
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The reason they will not cancel your sealing is that there are “blessings associated with the sealing that you will lose”. They want you to have those blessings, as they are not associated with the ex-husband. A least that is the reason given if you ask the temple president.

But if they are your blessings, you should be able to revoke them anytime you want. The CHI goes say that having your name removed does cancel the sealing.

Then again, what does it really mean that your sealing is canceled? Its just paperwork in the COB. There is no ordinance that is done. Some office worked stamps “canceled” across a piece of paper! And the only reason to do that is so that you can get sealed again!


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:48 am 
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Ok, so if the ex gets rebaptized, aren't all of his blessings "restored" in full? Including the sealing?

This is the interesting part. The Bishop brings over a pamphlet for me to call for an LDS therapist who will help me "heal" my angry feelings and then I'll want to get married again. Oh what do we do with those "problem single sisters" (God forbid we go through Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's stages of grief and actually do the ANGER part)

So I made the call, figured it wouldn't hurt and even she said "There is NO WAY you will be able to heal completely until that temple sealing is severed. You have built your entire marriage and family based on that temple marriage and it's been contaminated. It's insulting."

I have several teenagers but one who don't believe anymore, but that ONE is hanging onto it for dear life. I asked her: "Are you willing to get married in the temple without your family members there because I can't attend?" She ran out of the room crying.
I'm so mad at the church for making so many stupid rules that tear families apart. But I remember being in her shoes, I would have died for the church.
She loves the young women's program and girl's camp and all of the warm fuzzy feelings and sense of "specialness" etc that go with doing baptisms for the dead. The ward has rallied around her as the girl with the inactive mother they need to strengthen.
I've written my letter...Just waiting for the ex to get baptized and then I will present that case before the "Brethren" as the ultimate hypocrisy their bureaucracy helped to encourage and damn them all to HELL. (..whoops..sorry I got a little out of control there.. hehe)
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"I Put My Shoulder to the Wheel and it ran me over..."


Last edited by Hiedi Kolob on Fri Dec 10, 2010 12:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 2:23 am 
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My ex-wife wants our sealing cancelled, too. She is remarried to a non-member and her Bishop refuses to begin the process of getting our sealing cancelled until she is ready to be married in the temple again. She is, understandably, furious. I am in 100% support of having our sealing cancelled, but there is nothing I can do.

The best answer I could get was it had something to do with the "other blessings associated with the sealing," but nobody seems to know what these supposed "other blessings are." I did a little research and what I think it boils down to is the idea that you have been endowed to become a queen in the hereafter, but that your passage into the celestial kingdom is 100% dependent on being sealed to a priesthood holder who will call you up from your grave in the morning of the first resurrection by your new name. If you are not called up in the first resurrection, then you will be resurrected in the second resurrection (or the resurrection of the "gentiles") where you will become a servant to those in the first resurrection. You will have forfeited your endowment.

When the Bishop says "Heavenly Father will work it out," he means in the millennium where you will have an opportunity to be given as a plural wife to a righteous priesthood holder in order to regain your endowment, if you are worthy enough.

Pretty cool, huh?

It's 100% GARBAGE in my humble opinion, but I can certainly see why the church just continues this outdated patriarchal practice without informing anyone (even the Bishops) of the reason behind it.

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"There is no real going back. Though I may come to the Shire, it will not seem the same; for I shall not be the same" - Frodo Baggins


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 7:05 am 
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epiginosko wrote:
When the Bishop says "Heavenly Father will work it out," he means in the millennium where you will have an opportunity to be given as a plural wife to a righteous priesthood holder in order to regain your endowment, if you are worthy enough.

Pretty cool, huh?

You'd think God could work out a better plan than one that leaves people out of the Celestial Kingdom on a technicality. Maybe there's an appeals process in the next life?

Maybe we can come up with a symbolic reinterpretation of this doctrine, to make it more palatable. If man is spirit and woman is body, then polygamy is symbolically showing how one spirit obtains many bodies ... ...


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 9:40 am 
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I 100% relate to what you are saying and feel your pain. My ex cheated on me and we got divorced. I have since re-married to a non-member and it has caused a lot of contention in our marriage that I am still sealed to my ex-husband. I have talked with my bishop numerous times about getting the cancellation done and I have always received the same responses that were given to you, ie It would be very difficult to do this, I would lose the promises and blessings made to me, I can't have it done until I am being sealed to somebody else, etc.

But, with all that being said, I still keep trying. My last conversation with my bishop the tune changed just a little. I said to him that my husband does not think that I want the cancellation because the bishop told me that it would be very difficult to get it, but he never said it was impossible. I then told him this was causing strain on my marriage and that I do not care if it is difficult I need to at least try because he never said it was impossible. Then he told me something I thought was interesting. He said that President Monson has been a lot more willing to look at it and grant temple cancellations then President Hinckley was. That was enough for me. So I told him I want to start this process.

He gave me a list of things that I needed to write in a letter and that I would give it back to him and then both he and the Stake President would have to write a letter and then we could submit it from there. Also they will send a letter to my ex-husband for his side of the thing. I am now working on my letter so I will let you know how it goes. Probably no where, but at least I got him to agree to try.

Good luck.

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"When you dream alone, with your eyes shut, that dream is an illusion. But when we dream together, with our eyes wide open, then that dream becomes reality!"


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 9:57 am 
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Past Intrigue wrote:
epiginosko wrote:
When the Bishop says "Heavenly Father will work it out," he means in the millennium where you will have an opportunity to be given as a plural wife to a righteous priesthood holder in order to regain your endowment, if you are worthy enough.

Pretty cool, huh?

You'd think God could work out a better plan than one that leaves people out of the Celestial Kingdom on a technicality. Maybe there's an appeals process in the next life?

Maybe we can come up with a symbolic reinterpretation of this doctrine, to make it more palatable. If man is spirit and woman is body, then polygamy is symbolically showing how one spirit obtains many bodies ... ...


AwHA, proof that there is reincarnation. See, it is Mormon doctrine after all. You just have to look at the symbolism.

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Female, BIC, MIT, TBM DH, 3 kids (1 active in bishopric, 1 inactive Jack, 1 pagan priestess) 5 grandkids, 3 cats, 2 turtles, doz fish.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 9:58 am 
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The church is never going to change this policy until enough people put up a big enough fuss about it that it becomes a thorn in the church's side.

If I were in this situation, in my current state of belief, I would go above the stake president to the area authority, or call the church records department, or whoever would listen to me until it happened. With enough pressure from within and without, the church will change. I imagine a lot of people (members and not) would be disturbed by a policy that keeps a woman married to a man she does not want to be married to, especially when she's happily remarried to someone else.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 10:03 am 
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I have a similar experience with a sealing I don't want. My father sexually abused me. He was excommunicated for it, but when he was rebaptised, he supposedly got all of his temple blessings back. I DON'T want to be sealed to the man. But my parents never divorced and although my mother doesn't want to be sealed to him and we BOTH refused to "approve" of his rebaptism because it would reinstate the sealing, they went ahead and did it anyway. To hell with what the women in this case want.

The best answer I could get out of people was that I was required to forgive and if I didn't want to be sealed the scumbag, then it was because I was a horrible unforgiving person who was going to hell and that made me worse than he was.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 10:15 am 
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The handbook doesn't give a whole lot of info. Here are a couple of things that may be of interest to this discussion:
"A living woman may be sealed to only 1 husband. If she is sealed to a husband and later divorces, she must receive a cancellation of that sealing from the 1st presidency before she can be sealed to another man in her lifetime."

"After a husband and wife have been sealed, if one of them is excommunicated his or her temple blessings are revoked. However the sealing blessings of the innocent spouse and of children born in the covenant are not affected."

Maybe this isn't doctrinal but when I think of sealing and being sealed I see it that I am sealed into the family of God. I was born in the covenant and later my father was excommunicated and lost his sealing into the family of God but I and my mothers sealings were not affected. To cancel my sealing or my mothers sealing would be to cancel our sealing to God's family. I think this is why leaders are so hesitant to allow sisters to get sealing cancellations. Unless they are cancelling the sealing in order to be resealed the eternal consequences could be disastrous!

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 10:44 am 
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Past Intrigue wrote:
epiginosko wrote:
When the Bishop says "Heavenly Father will work it out," he means in the millennium where you will have an opportunity to be given as a plural wife to a righteous priesthood holder in order to regain your endowment, if you are worthy enough.

Pretty cool, huh?

You'd think God could work out a better plan than one that leaves people out of the Celestial Kingdom on a technicality. Maybe there's an appeals process in the next life?


No dice - the mormon G-d is a very technical, letter of the law kind of guy. The paperwork must be in order.

[sidetrack alert] I can't figure out why someone so smart, and so into details (this is G-d that I am referring to) could not come up with a better security system for getting into the Celestial Kingdom. All those secret names, signs and tokens, etc. G-d really does need to embrace the technology of the 21st century.

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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. – Bertrand Russell


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:03 am 
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dieublanc wrote:
I think this is why leaders are so hesitant to allow sisters to get sealing cancellations. Unless they are cancelling the sealing in order to be resealed the eternal consequences could be disastrous!


This implies, though, belief in a god who is kind of a psycho. What kind of god would deny eternal blessings to his daughter, just because she got divorced from a guy that cheated on her? Just because she no longer has the right "paperwork" showing she is still married to this scumbag? Makes no sense.

I understand the leaders' motivations in not wanting to cancel these sealings, but it ends up showing how ridiculous this particular doctrine is.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:04 am 
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It's all BS.

I shouldn't even mention this but I will. :evil: Even the people who have their sealings cancelled while they are alive are bound to have some child or relative do the temple work AGAIN once they are dead.

Just keepin' it real.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:30 am 
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Past Intrigue wrote:
Maybe we can come up with a symbolic reinterpretation of this doctrine, to make it more palatable. If man is spirit and woman is body, then polygamy is symbolically showing how one spirit obtains many bodies ... ...


I wish we could, but in Mormonism the priesthood is bigger than God. Remember, it's the power by which God created the universe and everything within. While Christ's atonement made the resurrection possible, in Mormonism it is by the power of the priesthood that we are saved with our kindred. This is not allegorical or cosmological, but rather very literal, mechanical, and direct.

I think much of these saved by the priesthood doctrines were the "further light and knowledge" that Brigham Young added to the already misogynistic theology of The New and Everlasting Covenant, which at the time strictly referenced plural marriage as the means for exhalation into the celestial kingdom. It was by this theology and endowment of being called up in the first resurrection as a queen and a goddess to their king and god (being their husband) that many women were (and still are) willing to submit themselves to polygamous and polyandrous relationships.

It is truly astonishing, and I can't help but wonder how much of this theology was motivated by the sexual appetites of these men.

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"There is no real going back. Though I may come to the Shire, it will not seem the same; for I shall not be the same" - Frodo Baggins


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:17 pm 
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No one has said it yet, so I will. It is based on the idea that women are property. A car must have an owner, it cannot own itself. Until that car is legally sold to another owner, it remains the property of the original owner. Even if he doesn't want it. A woman is a man's property. So she must have an owner in order to make it into the CK. Until she is "sold" to a new owner, she must remain the property of her original owner. Women cannot make it into the CK unless and until they are married and the man is who brings them through the veil into the CK. Men are taken through the veil by the Lord, so men will get in (maybe they end up as servants because they are not married) and the requirement that they be married is just a technicality. For women it is the first requirement of getting in. Not her own righteousness, but her husband's righteousness, gets her into the CK. BY taught this as doctrine, but I don't know where to find the quote. He said that no matter how unrighteous a woman is, if her husband wants her, she gets into the CK. See, for him the most important part of a righteous woman was her ability to keep her husband happy.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:27 pm 
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