New Order Mormon

[mellyleah]

I think I need to take a leave of absence from the boards for awhile.

You guys are all my friends, and gosh darnit, I love you all.

But, I am an emotional wreck, and just a little too sensitive to things, and to be frank, I don't think this forum is really helping me.

Anytime I try to get help with a specific issue, it seems like everyone wants to turn it all around and make it about me, what I am doing wrong, how I am failing, etc. And I just don't need that kind of help. I realize that the advice is given with good intentions and with the desire to be helpful, but I already analyze every decision I make twenty times. I'm already looking for all the ways I have failed, and I don't really need any help with that.

It seems like whenever I start a thread, it backfires and the end result just makes me feel worse. This is probably due to me being too sensitive. Really, I'm sure it's nobody's fault but my own (as I'm sure you would tell me, hee hee). Seriously, I don't want anyone to feel bad. And it isn't one specific person, it's more about the tone of the board.

That said, people often say a few things that are really helpful, and if I could just sit back and read other people's threads, I think I would do a lot better. But then I get stuck on an issue, and I imagine how other people might respond, and then I post about something and just feel a little stressed sometimes at the slack that nobody seems to want to cut me.

I will be back, I'm sure. I just need some time. Take care.
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"I believe in the truth wherever it is taught" --gnome-from-nom

[truth seeker]

Well, good luck on your journey. I too, had to take a small leave of absence a while back, I wrote a thread up about how I was pretty much done with NOM. Then I had to clarify that I thought I would be back, just after a while. I think I was gone for a month or so and came back when I was more "over" my initial shock of finding out "truths" about mormonism and then this board became a little different for me in the sense that I was able to better formulate my own opinions a little better and take the good from the board and reject (or not pay as much attention to, anyway) what I didn't need as much. I don't post on here quite as often, but I usually will still check it every day or almost every day just to see whats new.

Again, good luck with your journey and it's good to see that you realize that although this place can help with a lot of things, it is not necessarily the "end all of all end alls" if that makes sense. Hope you can find what you are looking for in life!
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"I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it." -Morpheus

[new deep]

[philomytha]

Aw, melly. *hugs*
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UU Mormon

"If we could just take expectations out of the equation, we would all be so much more free to love and be loved." -- NotMolly

[NelleM]

Hugs, and may this part of your journey bring you comfort and strength.

Take care,
NelleM
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Thinking is not optional.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9qYF9DZPdw

[bugoy1]

Sorry to see you leave for a while.

I know how hard it can be when you are trying to deal with your own belief issues while your spouse still believes. I went six years before I shared everything. I know how difficult it is everyday having lost a small connection to the one you love most.

Good luck. Hope it doesn't take too long to get you back.
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"The most pernicious lies are the ones we tell ourselves" - unknown

"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings" - Optimus Prime

[star stuff]

Melly, good luck. We will miss you, and hope the best for you.

We will always be here if you want to come back
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Quote:"We are star stuff which has taken its destiny into its own hands." ~ Carl Sagan

[NotMolly]

I think this site is a great place for support, but it's very difficult to tailor it to meet each person's individual needs. A lot of the struggles we deal with as NOM's can really only be tackled in-person, whether it's through devoted friends seeing you through life's rough patches, or seeking professsional help. People here are well-meaning but just don't have access to all the details of eachother's lives, so advice or comments can only be given based on the very few details they do know. I would say you're absolutely right in moving on if this forum isn't helping you on the level you need it to. We'll miss your unique perspective and great posts, but you need to do what brings you the most peace. Good luck with everything. I'm sure we'llbe seeing you around cyberspace!
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I won't say I'm no better than anybody else, but I'll be danged if I ain't just as good!
-Aunt Eller (Oklahoma!)

[unwritten]

mellyleah said:

[makingwaves]

Sorry to see you go melly. I hope that you and your husband find a way to navigate your marriage that brings both of you peace.

[Saganist]

You have to do what you have to do - take your time, but don't be too much of a stranger! I appreciate your contributions here. Go find some peace, then return and report.
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"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." ~ Confucius

Saganist: Why wage war on certain people's genitals?

[d0nquix0te]

Mel,

I've thinking of a good way to apologize to you via PM but I may as well say it here. Please don't take what I write too seriously -- I'm a moron sometimes and it is often healthy to just disregard what I have to say. I can be REALLY REALLY INCREDIBLY STUPID SOMETIMES .

I'm sorry you are hurting. You got your novel finished though, so that is quite an accomplishment and I hope you feel good about that at least. I admire you and think you are talented and remarkably sensitive -- being sensitive is NOT a bad thing so please don't let me make you think it is.

I should also be more careful about my word choice and the context that I post things in. While my advice may or may not have been appropriate in another situation, I failed to recognize that you were much more in need of compassion.

When people tell me that I'm being insensitive, I should be sensitive to that fact, back off, change my tone, or apologize.

So I'm doing all three, or at least I hope I am.

Please take your brake if you must, but also accept my apologies. And let me know if there is anything else that I should apologize for. It is a pleasure to know you.
_________________
"If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person."
— Fred Rogers

[finallyfree]

Mel,
I respect that you need to go, but I am so sad that you are choosing to go today---after all the exchanges that occurred yesterday. You had every right to expect support and encouragement and I am so sorry that you ended up being judged and attacked. I don't really understand why that happened; please remember that some women came to your defense. Not enough, and unfortunately, their voices were not heard. Please know that you have friends here I will miss your passion and perspective. You have always stood up for what you believed. Good luck with your marriage and please pm me if you ever want to vent----and come back if you can.......
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"And if it takes sh*t to make bliss, then I feel pretty blissfully" Modest Mouse

[snowleopard]

Aw. I am sorry to see you go. But I totally understand your situation though. Sometimes you feel like you need to take a step back from the Internet and I would definitely encourage you listen to that feeling! I have been taking "a break" for myself from NOM and reevaluate my feelings and positions about the church. Being a NOM is an interesting path to tread and I have recently discovered that my feelings about the church is ever-evolving with time. Looking back, I am very glad that I found this forum, and I hope you will in time realize that ultimately, regardless what people say here, the choice is always yours. We are always here to support you if you choose to come back. Good luck and you will be missed!! <3